Heart is Hurt..

When you think about matters of the heart, you cannot help but to feel helpless. It easily flutters... One minute it is happy and full of sunshine, the next minute it is in so much pain. And my heart is in so much pain when the heart is clinging on to something that it can't let go...

There's a lot of things that I can't let go. As tears of frustration and anger gushed through my cheeks.

 

In one family, we all come in different shapes and sizes. Whilst differences should be a strength that can be most beneficial, we rarely see that because we ourselves are not comfortable or secure enough to be in our own skins.

In the struggle to find God and the purpose of my existence, I found me. I am truly at peace with accepting who I am. There is nothing that I need to do or prove to myself, or to others on who I am and what I am capable of. Being a slave, really sets me free...

I am not capable, it is He that is. I am not strong, it is He that is. I am not knowledgeable, it is He that is. And knowing that I can truly depend on Him makes my life a whole lot easier... It really is...

I am no longer looking to control things anymore. I am but a traveler, begging and seeking the bounties of my Lord, none other than Allah. Life is truly easier if we learn to manage our ego (khibir) and ignorance/heedlessness (ghafla). Knowing that I am ignorant, but Allah is the Most Wise. Knowing that I am so weak and small, and Allah is Most Strong and Mighty. This is, in my opinion a good start to being at peace with oneself.

 

It's time to move on. It's time to let go of It's time to grow up. I can't believe I am 33 and I just realised how immature I am. Alhamdulillah. Although the way I found out was not ideal, but at least I've identified where I went wrong. I need to apologise though... sigh...